The Occasion for Screaming
This Sunday, my brother and I skyped back home, from Riverside to NYC, to wish our mother a happy holiday. She had just come back, along with my youngest brother, from a dinner for her own mother and sisters. Excited to hear her sons’ voices and to see their handsome faces, she chastened my father to join the conversation. Their familial and familiar faces crammed into the space of the chat window, as we made the anxious small-talk typically expected of an Asian family strewn apart by language and history. The family conversation ended with laughter, over a joke, a witty turn-of-Chinglish, or what, I don’t remember. At that moment, all I could think about was how far this Chinese family had come, in terms of distance. We were far from China much like we were far from each other in body and mind. My mother would probably fall asleep on the couch, as she is apt to do; my father would skype his old classmates in China, as he is apt to do; my brother would march upstairs in our tiny house where he would dream high of better lives, as he is apt to do. You could say we were materially separated by walls and floorboards of our house – a metaphor that can be easily extended to various aspects. But if the rats and roaches that skittered around the house, and the prayers and shouts from our Bangladeshi neighbors are evidence of anything, it is that these walls were porous. I’d like to think we were mediated, rather than separated, by walls just as we mediated each other through our LCD screens.
What occasions me to speak, and perhaps to scream, to create this portrait, is of course the recent appearance of writers like Amy Chua and Wesley Yang in the public sphere. I will forgo a summary and close-reading of their writing if only for the sake of brevity (Read: sanity). That being said, these writers are receiving attention for their wholesale portrayal of authentic Asian Americans, whether it is through explicating the conditions that produced them (i.e. Chua’s “Tiger Mom”), or through a psycho-social profile of the limpid Asian penis (i.e. Yang’s “Paper Tigers”). I am not here to dispute the truth value of their claims and observations; as the outpouring of responses from the Asian American community over Chua’s book (and responses that Yang’s piece will surely garner) illustrates, these writers are speaking to a truth that will continually be contested and supplemented by the spoken experiences of all Asian Americans, self-defined or otherwise.
No, my intended audience is not those who want “the truth”, but those who want to discuss what underpins this truth, how it is made, and how this might inform the creation and dissemination of our own truths and knowledge to our communities. My audience is my fellow Asian Americans who imbibe a healthy dose of skepticism, of hermeneutical suspicion, who cannot help but desire participation in this conversation despite their alienation from the constructed images and histories put forward by these writers. So forgive me in advance if I do not speak to your experience. I am but a product and actor of my times.